According to the barely decipherable Cooperativa News website, some asshole thought he’d end his miserable life by jumping nude into the lions den at the Metropolitano Zoo, in Santiago, Chile.
But instead of the guy becoming a lifeless chew toy for the cats, zoo keepers were forced to kill two of the lions, in order to save the naked asshole and maintain the “human’s lives first” security protocol of the zoo. The naked asshole, by the way, is alive but in critical condition at the local hospital.
Life got ya down and you feel it’s time to flip the OFF switch? Do what any self-respecting suicidal nitwit would do and go shove a gun in your mouth. Leave the goddamn zoo animals out of it, you silly drama queen.
Buy Mitchell Boone a beer!